The first important step in communicating feelings or being overwhelmed, or other mental health needs is to identify a trusted person. A “trusted person” can mean someone you are comfortable with and who you can trust.

Effectively communicating your needs to your “trusted person” is an important skill. It lets your trusted person know what you need and helps them to further support you in getting those needs met.

Sharing my mental health issues with a trusted person

When figuring out how to do this, a helpful tool is the 4-W’s skill handout. This includes asking questions related to who, when, where and what. It can be helpful to identify the following information:

A person with whom I can share personal and private information with and believe they will help and support me

YES +

  • Parent
  • Adult sibling
  • Support staff
  • Adult partner
  • A close friend I’ve shared private information with before who has helped me
  • Other?
 NO –

  • Someone I know from a class I took
  • Someone I met online gaming
  • Someone I know on social media or online (such as Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, a YouTuber)

Things I can say to start the conversation

YES +

  • Can I talk with you?
  • Do you have a minute to talk?
  • I have been having a hard time lately?
  • I don’t feel well/I don’t feel good
  • I don’t feel right, can we talk about it?
  • I want to let you know I ____
  • I am feeling down lately and I need to talk to someone
  • I am worried lately and I need to talk with someone
  • I have been feeling ___________about _______________. Can we talk about it?
  • Other?
 NO –

  • I FEEL LIKE CRAP!
  • You made me __________________
  • I’m going to ____________if I don’t talk to someone NOW.
  • Other?

Things I noticed about my mind and body that are important to share with my trusted person

YES +

  • Not eating
  • Not sleeping
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Feeling down, sad lot
  • Feeling worried/anxious
  • Do not want to do fun things I enjoy
 NO –

  • I’m bored there is nothing to do
  • You are being mean!
  • I am going CRAZY!
  • Other?

Find a time when my trusted person does not appear too busy

YES +

  • The person is watching TV
  • The person is doing dishes
  • The person is in car with you
  • Other?
 NO –

  • The person is talking on the phone
  • The person is taking a shower
  • The person is about to leave/go somewhere
  • The person is having a conversation in front of you
  • Other?

A quiet place that we can hear each other and focus

YES +

  • A quiet place at home
  • Few or no other people are around
  • Sitting in a parked car
  • Other?
 NO –

  • In a place where I have to raise my voice
  • Driving in traffic
  • In a place where there are alot of people around
  • Other?

Sharing my mental health issues with a trusted person

Review

Sharing your Mental health Concerns with a Trusted Friend

Practice

Once you have answers to your 4-Ws handout, it’s time to practice! You can do a role-play with your “trusted person” or you can practice what you want to say on your own. You may consider trying this in front of a mirror.

Reflection

Questions can help you evaluate your practice. Examples:

Did I decide who my “trusted person” was?

  • If so, am I comfortable talking with this person?
  • If not, who else could I ask?

Did I find a good time to talk with my “trusted person”?

  • If so, why did that time work well?
  • If not, what may be a better time to try?

Did I find a good place to talk with this person?

  • If so, why was that a good place?
  • If not, where may be a better place to talk?

Did I start the conversation well?

  • If so, how did that go?
  • If not, what do I need to say differently?

Did I share my mental health issues clearly?

  • If so, did my trusted person understand what I was sharing?
  • If not, how can I share the information differently?

Did my trusted person help me get my needs met?

  • If so, how did that make me feel?
  • If not, I can ask my trusted person for what I need to do next

Telehealth

Online Appointment with a Therapist

When participating in distance counseling some general recommendations include the following:

  • Conduct the sessions in a private location where others cannot hear you.
  • Use secure video conferencing technology.
  • Do not record any sessions.
  • Ensure that you do not have a digital assistant (i.e. Google home, etc.) device nearby.
  • Notify your counselor if you suspect any breach in your security.
  • Please dress appropriately for sessions.
  • Please do not use any substances prior to your appointment.
  • Please choose a stationary location with a laptop or larger device (i.e. use of smart phone for video causes more difficulty with communication).
  • Please do not engage in other activities during your appointment (driving, operating machinery, cooking, etc.).
  • Please do not bring weapons of any kind to session.

University, C. (n.d.). Tele-Mental Health – Counseling and Psychological Services (CaPS) – Division of Student Affairs – Carnegie Mellon University. Retrieved October 19, 2020, from https://www.cmu.edu/counseling/services/tele-mental-health.html

Have a Backup Plan in Case of Technology Failure

The most reliable backup is a phone. Therefore, it is recommended that you always have a phone available, and that you provide your counselor with your phone number.

REMEMBER: If your experience does not go well, it is not necessarily because of you. Please read this letter to remember to not be hard on yourself for a health self-advocacy experience that does not go as planned. Read this very important blog & letter HERE